Connie: I got this letter in response to yesterday’s blog. I asked if I can share it because I think a rebellion towards our sex driven culture is needed. I think we’ve gone off balance in every which way; from the church treating premarital sex as one of the worst sins ever, to people completely out of control with it. This letter speaks of a rebellious alternative; what about waiting? And if you haven’t, don’t go hang yourself on shame, but perhaps a change in perspective and lifestyle couldn’t hurt? This reader’s story is worth hearing. Perhaps you relate?
I just read your blog about sex and divorce. I admire people who make themselves vulnerable and candid.
I can relate in that I lost my virginity just before going to Bible College. I was also raised in a Christian home… a VERY STRICT Christain home. I’d dare say it was almost cultish how I was raised. I lost my virginity to my first high school boyfriend out of pure spite. Not because of my raging hormones but out of rebellion. I wrote my experience in my private personal diary. My dad felt “God had led him” to read my diary, which was a cowardly way of covering up his intrusion on my privacy. My parents found out and broke us up.
My dad called me a whore, slut, and shamed me to the core. My mom said that I had cheated on my future husband who would not want to marry me now. I went to Bible College shamed into “staying pure”. My understanding of God’s love was that of if you do this and this, God will love you. Basically conditional love.
I was pure for three years, until I fell into an out of control party girl for two years. During this time my father never spoke to me, and didn’t have anything to do with me. I have since forgiven him, as I don’t think he knew what to do. He thought if he showed me unconditional love it would mean condoning what I was doing. Thus, my understanding of love was pretty messed up.
I finally married my wonderful, amazing husband, who after just months of being married,said to me, “What kind of God do you know”? Meaning I had a very messed up view of who God was. It was my husband for the first time in my life showed me unconditional love, kindness,mercy, grace etc.
Fast forward to now almost 15 years later. I just went through a scare of having to get testings for cervical cancer. The ONLY way you can get cervical cancer is from the HPV virus, which you can only get through sexually transmitted disease. Shame came to visit me again. I profusely apologized to my husband as I felt I was suffering the consequences to sin etc. But I’m so happy to say all my tests came back negative, including HPV. I truly believe this was a miracle, not just physically but emotionally.
While I was waiting for the tests, I promised myself and God that I would educate girls/women about HPV as it’s so misunderstood. The message is simple: DON”T HAVE SEX TIL YOU ARE MARRIED! It took me 7 years to fully give my whole mind and body to my husband. I didn’t realize what I was doing. When you chose to have sex with multiple partners (before I was married) it turns off your emotions. When I got married it took me 7 years to turn my emotions on again. Not worth it.
So not sure why I felt compelled to tell you this… but I do want to get the word out there to women and young girls that there is a Heavenly Father that loves them unconditionally and that they are worth it to wait for the man that God chose for them.
Just thought I’d share..