Porn is the new mentor for young women and men when it comes to sex today. Because of its availability at the click of a mouse or on mobile devices, it has become a normality for young people not just to view in private, but together with friends and their significant others. Not only this, but having multiple relationships isn’t far off from the norm either. It’s becoming harder to know what is pure. Our culture has blurred lines on the subject. Young people have heard preachers speak of standards and abstinence, but often feel the message is out of date or given in judgment.
I wanted to bring up something today that most people aren’t telling young people about sex. Something that we all need to think about no matter how old. That is, who you choose to be sexually now is who you will be sexually when you’re married, and further, when you’re a parent. The patterns we create for ourselves now determine who we are tomorrow and farther down in the future.
We need to start telling our young people that fighting for their sexual purity is not abstaining from the forbidden, it’s protecting their essence. Having numerous partners, one night stands, etc only lead to a break down of identity because our sexuality is intimately tied to our identity. Anyone who has become addicted to sex will tell you it’s a road that is unsatisfied. There’s never enough. It leads to acts that become more obscure that seem pleasurable for a moment, but that moment quickly passes, only leaving a craving for more. Our identity was never meant to become trapped in a web of sexual unfulfillment.
We need to start telling our young people that fighting for their sexual purity is fighting for the future of their children. Sexual downfalls can completely wreck a family. Sexual habits now will not magically disappear when you “put a ring on it”. The sexual battle in the mind has to be reset and new habits created, or the same patterns created before marriage will continue after. These patterns will either build a solid foundation for our children and family or corrupt and destroy it.
We need to start telling our young people that their wives and husbands won’t look like porn stars or fitness models (at least not for all their lives). It’s becoming harder for young men and women to find the “ordinary” attractive. Pressure for women to have boob jobs, tummy tucks, botox, etc is damaging not only women’s bodies but also distorting a genuine picture of beauty. It’s a rat race that can’t be won. Men are not immune to this as well. The problem is that if all young people (and us for that matter) see is pictures of perfection, it conditions them to a new “normal”. When that standard isn’t met there are serious repercussions such as the inability to get past what’s on the outside to find beauty within. What happens to the “love” when the porn star starts to age? Love at this point has become very conditional. To be loved with condition is the single most heart breaking, damaging feeling a human can experience. This is what leads to all types of dysfunctional behavior.
We need to start telling our young people that fighting for their sexual purity will never end. Ever. It doesn’t matter how fulfilling or “hot” your spouse is, there will always be temptation and influences luring you away from your mate. Who you decide you will be sexually now determines your victory or defeat in those critical moments. Every decision to remain pure steps you closer to a destiny and an identity you were created to have.
We need to start telling our young people a greater message to live up to. Not one of “rules” or “judgment” that sounds like white noise in their ears. They need to hear why they need to care. The real reason: they are destined for greatness.
Greatness is determined in decisions like: “Will I watch that porn clip with my friend or will I turn away?” It starts as small and simple as that.
“Above all else guard your heart for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23)